I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba dog food at Pak n Save and standing in a queue at the check-out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 22 kilos before I awoke in ICU with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that essentially, it was a perfect diet and that all you do was load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you felt hungry. And I told her that the food was nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that by now; practically everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I had ended up in hospital in that condition because I'd been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid b!tch ... Why else would I buy dog food?
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